As a feminist in high school, there are many people around me who do not agree with some of the things I believe. Whether they are hypocrites, truly stand by it, or argue just for the sake of an argument, some have been very vocal about their contrary beliefs. (Oh, and did I mention? They have all been male.) I know that this is a challenge activists face long after high school, but it can be harder for teenage girls to deal with boys constantly telling them they are wrong. If we give in and believe them, we allow our voices to be silenced– which is exactly what they think they are entitled to. I wanted to talk about this subject with the hope of empowering other girls to stand their ground in a situation like this.

First of all, it may not be surprising that most people with opposing views have no intention of, or openness to changing their point of view. I have been told so many times that it’s “not worth it” to argue about politics with the other side. And in some cases that very well may be the best option: to drop it. However I like a debate! It’s definitely important to assess the situation from case to case, but if you have nothing to lose, and you want to continue going back and forth, don’t let anyone stop you. It can be empowering to fight boldly for what you believe in!

Debating feminism issues with a man can be frustrating, since a lot of evidence of the issues comes from the mere experience of being a woman, rather than citable facts. However, there are certainly a lot of statistics out there that prove the case too! I suggest being prepared with some if you plan on debating.

Even so, men (or girls with different experiences) may try to invalidate your own experiences. I have known guys who call themselves progressive and do it. The truth is, and here is my message to those that do this; if you want to gaslight women coming forward about what they have been through, you backtrack feminism. You add to the reason it is hard for us to talk about these things. You really think we need men to validate what we have gone through? The fact that you think your invalidation can make us change our minds about the discrimination we personally face in the world is so incredibly ignorant… and everything we need to get away from.

With that said, I am in no way saying that all men are stubborn about feminism. I have had plenty of educated conversations about it with different guys, so I don’t recommend going into a discussion with low expectations of them. (That could come off as condescending and they are more likely to get defensive.) In fact, the existence of all the men who are super supportive and on board with feminism PROVE that responding defensively does not have to be the automatic reaction for them. It is possible for them to understand it without feeling threatened. (I recently found two great TikTok influencers who fit into this category! @thecalvinbrandl and @jorobe)

What I AM trying to say is that you shouldn’t let ignorant people make you second guess yourself. People will say you’re overreacting, making too big of a deal, or being overdramatic. They may make a joke of the exact thing that offends you. For myself, hearing those words only makes me want to fight harder. People who don’t understand the reasonableness of feminism have lived in a world of privilege without even realizing. They need to be woken up to reality. And if they are in the mood to feel empathy, they will understand that feminism is not a threat to them at all.